3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Randomize