To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
