got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
