the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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