I wish life had little blips of pornography
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
