hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
