i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize