i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
