Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
