"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
