just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
