she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
