matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
