i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Still dying that you shit outside
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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