What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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