I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
