i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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