She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
