Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
