Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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