He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
