and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
