he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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