She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
