grandma shit on top of the toilet
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
