Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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