i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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