then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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