He kissed a someone with a penis
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
a search helicopter?!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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