i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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