I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
