no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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