Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
