My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
