There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
