what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
