Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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