if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize