In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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