Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
