My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
