We got so high we made milksteak
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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