Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
