You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just gift wrapped bread.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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