Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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