My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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