so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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