Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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