Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
