I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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