just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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