wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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