looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My ass is underappreciated
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
