Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
