Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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