Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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