My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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