she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
