I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
