My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize