you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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