It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
