yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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