Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
