Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
