Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
