I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
