chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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