he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
