the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
