Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
